The Journal presents my weekly reflections on being a private, Catholic school principal during what promises to be a year filled with energy, excitement, challenges and possibilities…
One can do a great job and feel it has not been good enough.
There are teachers in any school that, through who they are, demand almost universal respect from colleagues and students alike. They are the folks who seem to have everything under control, who inspire their students, who juggle their responsibilities with seeming ease, who are the people I want to be like when I grow up. I am blessed to journey with a number of educators who are all but revered in this manner. I had a conversation with one such teacher in the midst of which we spoke about how things had gone for her during the pandemic.
She did not hesitate in her assessment.
“I think I did a really good job,” she said.
“And I feel really crappy about the year,” she concluded.
She spoke about all the things she had learned about herself and her teaching. She discussed all the successes she had experienced in trying new things, hitting walls, blasting through them and moving forward. She talked about how she had grown as a teacher and a leader and how her desire to serve our students was stronger than ever.
I was moved almost to tears.
“I think I did a really good job. And I feel really crappy about the year.”
I learned long ago that attempting to talk anyone out of their feelings is a dead end prospect. Though I could have explained to this teacher the 137 ways that I knew her conclusion about her year was untrue and that she should stick with the first part of her assessment, I also knew that she was feeling what she was feeling and no amount of persuasion would convince her otherwise.
Moreover, she had encapsulated – as only a teacher of her stature, knowledge, talent and experience can – perhaps the central truth of this pandemic year.
One can do a great job and feel it has not been good enough.
This paradox is So. Damn. True.
I cannot improve upon the sentiment.
Fortunately, our positive case rate slowed considerably last week. We had only 1 case during the week, a reduction in number aided greatly by the fact that we were only in school 3 days… gaps in the schedule truly help.